signs you are getting old:
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 7:57 AM
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 6:38 AM
the rest of the day at zion was just perfect, and i have to share all of the photos because, well, i have to.
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 8:28 PM
some ups and downs lately:
the weather has finally turned to fall temperatures and i can feel like i can breathe. that is a definite UP! we went to Zion National Park for my birthday and it was chilly enough for light sweatshirts and jeans, heaven in my book right there.
i had to run a TON of errands around town the other day, and rodney was such a trooper. he loves riding in the car and looking out the window. unfortunately, he also gets car sick just like his 3 sisters and i pushed the stop and go for his tummy too much. i can not count how much puke i have cleaned up in 10 years.
i coached lucy's soccer team this year and i learned so much. 1. 9-11 year old girls are dramatic! ha! i didn't expect to have to deal with "feelings" and stuff as a coach already. 2. lucy learned how to be aggressive on the field! and she scored her first goal! 3. i had a great assistant coach, she helped run all of the practices smoothly and calmed me down when i couldn't figure out subs : )
halloween was just as wonderful as always. i do like that holiday. This year we had a ninja turtle, Aphrodite, cleopatra and Elsa.
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 10:09 AM
confession: i do not like my legs. correction: i did not like my legs.
the earliest i remember noticing they were different was in middle school. oh middle school, what a disastrous event you were in my life. the beautiful, tall girls (with busts of course) were getting all the attention. the girls that played volleyball with their super short booty shorts and the cheerleaders with their non existent skirts. i could never wear something like that. luckily, puberty hadn't hit yet so even though my legs were short, so was my torso, thus i sauntered around evenly proportioned.
after puberty, which happened at an age that is hilariously late, i had a long torso, a chest (finally!) and short legs. short, stumpy legs. ugh. but, i was in soccer again and track and so even though i wasn't kind to them or liked them, they were always there and got me to a lot of great places. you always feel like you fit in in soccer with big thighs.
then i majored in Ballet in college. yikes. if i had a nickel for every time someone guessed 8 times what my dance emphasis was only to tell them "ballet" and see their face change, well, i probably wouldn't be trying to make money by writing on a blog. laugh out loud.
after college, a wonderful friend named CHARLOTTE DUNNE! (how are you? we never talk anymore!) taught me how to run for fun, and thus my next 8 years of marriage running would be my main cardio. even in running and teaching zumba for 4 years, my legs still fell short of my delusional idea of perfection. At this point i blame BARBIE and the media.
the point of all this mumbo jumbo is this, this morning i slapped together a sandwich for ty's work lunch, stumbled back into my room and got dressed to work out. i sat down on the rowing machine to warm up (i know, so incredibly spoiled to get to use one) and looked down at my legs. what?
even though i can't wear jeans in the fall with boots over top (there is just no way i could walk without circulation, i've tried) and even though i will always look like an orange on a toothpick in high heels at church, and even though i have beautiful big dimpled thighs, i LOVE MY LEGS. I LOVE MY BODY. I am so incredibly grateful they forgive me for always wishing them to be different. i am so grateful I have this body for forever. what an amazing gift i have been given. it's such a freeing feeling, to actually want what you already have. i suggest trying it sometime.
i love this shirt from here, its so liberating to find out how strong you can be. my birthday is coming up for anyone who is behind on gifts: hint hint
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 7:26 AM
as i walked out the trash the other day i looked up and enjoyed the beautiful view of our canopy of oleanders, cottonwoods and green grass we are blessed with (believe me, green grass around here is unique). as i walked down the broken sidewalk (that needs to be repaired) to the front door i looked over at my roses. OH! my poor neglected babies. this is what they looked like.
choked out by weeds, too much water and no one had pruned them this fall. i blame that on my mom not here, she always kept me on task with my roses. i did fertilize though mom! i promise! so i put on my adult mom pants and went to work on the task. i estimated it would take between 1-2 hours to de-weed, relay a liner and pour new mulch. and true to form, i underestimated the task by about 5 hours. go me.
i got to work on the first weeds. good gracious they are pernicious little devils. they were EVERYWHERE. they had grown right into the "weed barrier" liner and their roots were wrapped around my rose bushes and drip system. they were strong, like, my huge muscles had a hard time ripping them out strong. i finally evolved to a system of the spade in one hand hacking at the deepest root while i pulled with the other with all my might. i am 2/3rds of the way done at this moment.
this question ran through my head with each and every devilish weed root i hacked away at: how did it get this bad? i started to backtrack in my mind (not an easy task mind you) and i realized that i have seriously neglected this rose bed. when i would weed,it would be after it got really, really bad and even then i would just pull out the tops and didn't even worry about the roots. obviously the weeds themselves enjoyed this immensely as they grew an entire 6 ft substructure under my roses.
as usual, i automatically applied this as a life lesson because that's just what weird people like me do.
for me, all of these questions are answered with an astounding, ALL THE TIME. my self deprecating thoughts, self-abuse with food, self defeating behaviors and family issues have all been addressed with a mere barrier or plucking of the green shoots coming out of the ground. it's almost scary to try and think about addressing the real problems underneath, but it's coming to the point where i just may have to. it's affecting my day to day life now and affecting my spouse and children so it's time to dig a little deeper. oh, i have a feeling it will be worth it but extremely painful in the meantime.
for now, i will keep pondering this issue and this weekend i will be working on my rose bed and hope to put up a beautiful picture of my hard work. let's stress the word "hope".
i will keep weeding, and i will keep addressing my personal "issues" every darn day.
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 1:37 PM
guess what? ANOTHER FLOOD. Here is Ty and our friend Darren making lemonade out of lemons and having some fun after sandbagging all night and working all day to keep the water out of the Meeks' house:
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 10:07 AM
oh my goodness, this little short clip is for tired mothers everywhere. if you aren't a tired mother then you can skip the entire thing, and drive down to refill your meth prescription. hahaha, oh dear that was awful. seriously though, please watch and know you are amazing, especially the single mothers and military mothers.
moving on, getting ready for my church lesson this month has been daunting. i feel like every topic is especially tailored to humble me to an especially low state. but i do enjoy learning about the process of becoming a better person, each and every day. even if it is two steps forward and one step back (which is always the case for me)
i have a few friends (*fabulous friends i might add) that also teach the same exact lesson every month that i do. it has been wonderful to connect with each of them and share our feelings, experiences with each topic. one such friend shared this talk about self esteem and it is a game changer ladies and gents, GAME CHANGER. block out 15 minutes of your time and read it instead of perusing Facebook.
have a lovely sabbath day. mwuah!
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 8:00 PM
Gah, i've been neglectful to my sweet baby here. But I have a good excuse, I've been taking care of another sweet baby for awhile and all other projects are on the back burner. Thank goodness I can work out at home because that is the only thing keeping me sane right now!
Our poor friends' house was severely flooded this past week and we are watching baby R during the daytime to help out. Rodney is ok with it now, but I still can't leave him in the room alone with her. hehehe.
My parents are on their mission!
Here are a few random pictures of life around here lately.
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 1:31 PM
the first few times there was nothing at my disposal to the likes of Pinterest or tumblr. Nope, just your friendly Athleta magazine which I would cut apart and paste super buff moms onto my notebook. And at night I would look at them for motivation and then eat an entire bag of peanut m&m's.
I know, I know.
After my ectopic pregnancy 6 months ago I made another one on pinterest in my "secret" board. I didn't even know they had those until one book club night! So I pinned away all of these amazing chiseled 20 year old bodies like this:
and then, again, ate myself into a chocolate oblivion feeling sorry for myself because i have cellulite on my thighs.
i still can't believe i'm writing all of this down.
so, long story short, I got tired of mutilating myself and stopped looking at my vision board. yes, I kept working out EVERY MORNING and i started getting better at my eating.
actually, my eating has never been this good... ever. when i consider what to eat the first thing i think now is, "How will this make me feel tomorrow?". because guess what? 3 monster tacos and a piece of chocolate cake a good squat session does not make.
for me, waiting to exercise until i have lost weight by eating better would be like never going to church until i was 100% with my scripture study and prayers. DUH, it just wouldn't happen. they go together hand in hand for me.
have I lost weight? nope.
do i fit into all my clothes? nope.
do i care anymore? nope (ok, a little about the clothes because i love them)
i wake up happy and motivated and clear headed.
for years I would wake up groggy, irritated and depressed, just ask my kids.
i'd say i'm doing just fine without wanting to look a certain way. i guess what i'm saying is, if you are always looking at pictures of fit people (or perfect decorated houses, or new cars) and wishing (and eating) yourself sick because it isn't happening, maybe take a break? let go of those dreams of looking like someone else (or having something else) and start a journey of loving and wanting to be YOURSELF and be happy with what you have instead of what you want.
it's really quite liberating.
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 7:26 AM
thoughts by Annie Leavitt at 4:25 PM